I was watching David Letterman the other day when he introduced the topic of Hillbilly Handfishing, a new show on the Animal Planet channel. This show would be right up my brother's alley. If you've never seen it, check out this clip. Be prepared to scream "HOLY SHIT!' when the mook pulls up the fish. I know I did.
Since my brother arrived from Texas, a lot of the shows that are watched on the TV have changed. Where I like shows on HBO or Showtime like Boardwalk Empire, Game Of Thrones, and The Wire, my brother likes watching shows on Animal Planet and Discovery like Billy The Exterminator, Mighty Ships, or The Deadliest Catch.
Boardwalk Empire takes place during the Prohibition Era, and highlights the rise of criminals in Chicago (Al Capone) and New York (Arnold Rothstein, 'Lucky' Luciano), as well as Atlantic City, where most of the action takes place. Steve Buscemi stars as 'Nucky' Thompson, the boss of A.C., and shows how the various criminal organizations sometimes co-operate with each other but mostly try to come out on top of the vast illegal marketing of alcohol.
Game Of Thrones is a medieval fantasy based on a series of books by George R.R. Martin. Most of the story takes place on a continent/island loosely based on England. The various lords of the land struggle with each other for power in a scenario that reminds me of the Wars Of The Roses, which took place in England during the 15th Century. Sean Bean stars as Ned Stark, who is kind of like (to me, anyway) Richard, the Duke of York, as he suffers the same grisly end.
I'm very much looking forward to the continuations of these stories, as well as The Walking Dead (coming soon) and The Wire (which is over, but I'm only on the first series).
I like shows with a good storyline and acting. I'm not into too many reality shows, except Survivor and Hell's Kitchen.
My brother loves reality programming, and when he isn't working, will sit and watch these shows endlessly.
Billy The Exterminator features a mook driving around and taking care of various critters infesting people's homes and backyards. Some of the animals are interesting, but the most fascinating part of the show is Billy's hairstyle, which I can only describe as a spiky sort of mullet, coloured sometimes black, sometimes yellow, and sometimes both. Arguably the worst haircut on TV.
Shows like Mighty Ships and The Deadliest Catch are interesting enough on their own, but what distracts me from enjoying them is the narration, especially on Mighty Ships. The voiceover is done by a female with the most unctuous tone imaginable. Every situation described on the show is taken to the worst case scenario. Every little chore that the crew has to undertake, from docking to making the beds is described as having earth-shaking consequences if it isn't concluded successfully. The crew members always perform their tasks well, and disaster is always averted.
Not only is it BORING! but it gets exasperating after a while to hear this voice constantly going on and on about dire circumstances that never, ever come to pass.
Well, I know how to PVR/download the shows I want to watch, so there's never any of the kind of conflict like those that occured when we were younger. Back then, there was no such thing as VCRs or computers, and you had to watch one channel at a time. It was a constant argument about whose turn it was. I remember once my bro got so mad at me that he picked up this toy rifle we had and swung it as hard as he could. If I hadn't rolled out of the way, I'm sure he would have debrained me.
Ah, memories...
I like to joke with my family that I'm the only one who should have the remote. But it's true. No-one in my family knows how to watch TV. My folks don't even mute the commercials, which drives me fucking crazy sometimes.
But the worst is how they watch movies. One of their favourites is Patch Adams, with Robin Williams. It's been on commercial TV twice in the past month or so, and my folks watched it both times. It seemed to me that the network showing it would air five minutes of the movie, and then ten minutes of commercials.
It wouldn't be so bad, I guess, but MY FOLKS HAVE THE DVD. They can watch it anytime they want, and they don't have to sit through endless commercial breaks. But they'll find it on commercial TV, and watch it that way. This is why I say I'm the only one in the household who should be allowed to have the remote.
October 1, 2012 Update
My mom was watching TV yesterday, and recording a coupla programs at the same time: "The Mentalist" and "The Good Wife." Now, if you're recording two programs at the same time on the PVR, you can't watch anything else. My mom was looking at the guide to see what else was on (and why wouldn't you?), and she found an airing of "Notting Hill." This is a film that is on practically every other day, but my mom felt she had to watch it THAT VERY SECOND. She called me in to figure out how to watch the film while recording two other programs.
I went to her DVD collection, pulled out her copy of Notting Hill," and said she should try that for a change.
She didn't want to do that. She wanted to watch the one that was on the TV. She refused to allow me to put the DVD in.
Pastafazoola!
I am the ONLY ONE who should have the remote!
Showing posts with label Ads. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ads. Show all posts
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Shopping
Korean Adventure (February 7, 2003 Chautauqua)
My trip to China was an equal measure of sightseeing and shopping. The tour was organized by Koreans for Koreans. I had to shift for myself when it came to information about the various sites. This was no great hardship. I can say, without any false modesty, that I probably could have conducted the tour myself.
The shopping would present no problems for anyone. A salesman looks and talks the same in any language. If you are familiar with Ron Popeil, you can pretty much "fill in the blanks" to discover what they are saying. It all boils down to: "Give me your money."
A float in Tian'anmen Square of The Great Wall.
My first experience of Chinese shopping occurred on the very first day of the trip, when we went through the Forbidden City. There was plenty of space reserved for souvenir shops along the way, with cheesy bric-a-brac everywhere.
On the way in or out of any tourist site, I was besieged by aggressive peddlers of every description. If you wanted to bargain, you could get some fairly good looking stuff cheap. One guy was really mad at me for not haggling, though. He didn't have anything I wanted, and dropping the price didn't make it any more attractive.
The real dangerous sales reps were those we were bussed to. On the second day, we were taken to a Chinese hospital, where a doctor took our pulses, made a diagnosis, and offered to prescribe for what ailed us.
I'm sure it must be catchy, whatever it says.
Chinese doctors have an interesting way of taking the pulse. Three fingers on the wrist, subtly manipulated, offer the skilled doctor a look at the various "levels" inside the body. Supposedly they can figure out what is wrong anywhere.
After that, we were offered a foot massage, which I thought might have been fun. What I didn't know about massage is that a lot of it is real hard. The masseurs really dig into your feet; owowowowowowowOW! I was a little tender after that, I can tell you! Not too good when so much of a tourist's day is spent walking.
Our next stop was a pearl shop, offering high priced jewelry. Not too much hard sell here, as the Koreans were only too willing to fork it over.
Just inside the gate to the Forbidden City.
After that, we were bussed down to Liulichang Street, which offers a variety of traditional Chinese articles: robes, rugs, ivory figurines, cards, jewelry, and many other kinds of items.
There was a combination of shop owners and street dealers that shared an eager desire to part you from your funds. I myself got a "chop," which is a stamp made from ivory. It has Chinese characters carved on the end, and it is used to put the seal on official documents.
The garden inside the Forbidden City. Note the flags held by the tour guides, which tourists are supposed to follow or they will become lost, lost for all time.
On our way to the Great Wall, we stopped at another hospital, which offered an Herbal Sticking Plaster and Balm. There was a touch of the showman in this doctor, who rubbed the balm on his hands before grabbing a metal chain fresh out of a bed of glowing coals.
Lucky symbols on a hillside. Or an ad for Burma Shave.
Our last day in the country did not neglect one more attempt to take whatever monies we might have left. I had to give it up here, as we were shown a variety of teas. There were some interesting flavours, and I settled on some dandelion, which (I am told) is good for the liver.
In some aspects, the trip was disappointing. I was turned off by how well the "Reds" have adapted to capitalism. I could not but be awed, however, by the sights of Old China: the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, and Tian'anmen Square. All of this: the good and the bad were evident in the final sight of the tour...the Great Wall.
The touristy part of the Great Wall. The Chinese have the same difficulty with English as Koreans. The sign says, " Issue the certificate of the Great Wall."
What the kimchi...er, Peking Duck?
My trip to China was an equal measure of sightseeing and shopping. The tour was organized by Koreans for Koreans. I had to shift for myself when it came to information about the various sites. This was no great hardship. I can say, without any false modesty, that I probably could have conducted the tour myself.
The shopping would present no problems for anyone. A salesman looks and talks the same in any language. If you are familiar with Ron Popeil, you can pretty much "fill in the blanks" to discover what they are saying. It all boils down to: "Give me your money."
A float in Tian'anmen Square of The Great Wall.
My first experience of Chinese shopping occurred on the very first day of the trip, when we went through the Forbidden City. There was plenty of space reserved for souvenir shops along the way, with cheesy bric-a-brac everywhere.
On the way in or out of any tourist site, I was besieged by aggressive peddlers of every description. If you wanted to bargain, you could get some fairly good looking stuff cheap. One guy was really mad at me for not haggling, though. He didn't have anything I wanted, and dropping the price didn't make it any more attractive.
The real dangerous sales reps were those we were bussed to. On the second day, we were taken to a Chinese hospital, where a doctor took our pulses, made a diagnosis, and offered to prescribe for what ailed us.
I'm sure it must be catchy, whatever it says.
Chinese doctors have an interesting way of taking the pulse. Three fingers on the wrist, subtly manipulated, offer the skilled doctor a look at the various "levels" inside the body. Supposedly they can figure out what is wrong anywhere.
After that, we were offered a foot massage, which I thought might have been fun. What I didn't know about massage is that a lot of it is real hard. The masseurs really dig into your feet; owowowowowowowOW! I was a little tender after that, I can tell you! Not too good when so much of a tourist's day is spent walking.
Our next stop was a pearl shop, offering high priced jewelry. Not too much hard sell here, as the Koreans were only too willing to fork it over.
Just inside the gate to the Forbidden City.
After that, we were bussed down to Liulichang Street, which offers a variety of traditional Chinese articles: robes, rugs, ivory figurines, cards, jewelry, and many other kinds of items.
There was a combination of shop owners and street dealers that shared an eager desire to part you from your funds. I myself got a "chop," which is a stamp made from ivory. It has Chinese characters carved on the end, and it is used to put the seal on official documents.
The garden inside the Forbidden City. Note the flags held by the tour guides, which tourists are supposed to follow or they will become lost, lost for all time.
On our way to the Great Wall, we stopped at another hospital, which offered an Herbal Sticking Plaster and Balm. There was a touch of the showman in this doctor, who rubbed the balm on his hands before grabbing a metal chain fresh out of a bed of glowing coals.
Lucky symbols on a hillside. Or an ad for Burma Shave.
Our last day in the country did not neglect one more attempt to take whatever monies we might have left. I had to give it up here, as we were shown a variety of teas. There were some interesting flavours, and I settled on some dandelion, which (I am told) is good for the liver.
In some aspects, the trip was disappointing. I was turned off by how well the "Reds" have adapted to capitalism. I could not but be awed, however, by the sights of Old China: the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, and Tian'anmen Square. All of this: the good and the bad were evident in the final sight of the tour...the Great Wall.
The touristy part of the Great Wall. The Chinese have the same difficulty with English as Koreans. The sign says, " Issue the certificate of the Great Wall."
What the kimchi...er, Peking Duck?
Thursday, August 4, 2011
TV
I like watching TV. Perhaps I watch too much, but what else have I got to do? The job search is not going too well, and school doesn't start for another month or so.
So I kill time by watching Flint tease John, writing this blog, and watching TV. There's a lot of good video being offered out there, if you know where to look. The problem is, when you are in a country like Korea, you miss a lot of the really good programs (unless you know how to download), and you're very much behind people who've had access to it all along.
I sort of learned how to download in my third year in Korea, and then I started having problems with my 'puter, so I left off until Flint taught me how to do it properly. After that, I returned my TV to the hagwon and started getting caught up.
I'm still way behind, even after a coupla years of plugging away.
While I was in Korea, I started to get into shows like Dexter, The Shield, Battlestar: Galactica, and Californication. I've only just started the first season of The Wire, Damages, and Life On Mars (UK version).
I've been staying with my folks since I got back from Korea, and they had a pretty good cable package with Shaw. Then they changed it to Telus, and added the PVR function.
Hello!
I am in love with the PVR, which frees the viewer of the networks' tyranny like never before. No longer do you have to sit through boring commercial breaks or (badly) edited-for-TV versions of my favourite movies. With a PVR, you really can watch what you want, when you want it. It's brilliant.
Then, after my mom's accident, we had to stay at a hotel to be near her, and I was shocked, shocked when I saw the kind of TV being offered by the hotel, as well as to patients in the hospital.
Basic cable. (dramatic chord)
50 channels max.
Ew.
I guess hotel guests and hospital patients, being fairly transient in nature, don't need a full-on package of every single channel as well as all the technical add-ons. They just need something to look at for a night or two.
But if you're in for a long haul, the inadequacies of basic cable become more and more apparent as time goes by. Especially if you're looking for quality television, and not the drek offered up by networks and local stations.
Networks are in it for the money, and the commercial break is all important. They gotta get that ad revenue. A good show is just something to attract viewers that can be trapped into watching ads, not an end in itself.
Networks have something they call "standards and practices," which they say they use to censor offensive content like vulgar language (shit, fuck, cunt, piss, cocksucker, mothefucker, tits), excessive violence and gore, as well as sexy things like naked bodies and people making love.
Well, if you're an adult, being told by some faceless corporation that you can't watch something is like being told you can't vote or drink or stay up past eight o'clock. It's just not on.
So I go to a channel like HBO and watch a program like Deadwood, which has more nudity, violence, and people saying "fuck" per square inch than a whorehouse, but is also one of the finest programs ever filmed.
Local stations are even worse. They're always interrupting shows with "news breaks," which don't have any news, just promos for the local news teams. I've mentioned before how my folks are fans of Global Calgary, which I loathe and despise with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns.
Fucking mooks.
Even if they do run a good program, you have a tough time seeing it through all the supers on the screen. The station logo is there (as well as the network logo sometimes), and the station adds on supers that describe what's coming on next and what'll be on Thursday at nine. Talk about distraction.
It shows a fundamental disrespect of the show, as well as the viewer. I decided a long time ago that I would not tolerate it. That's why downloading shows and using the PVR is so important to me.
So I kill time by watching Flint tease John, writing this blog, and watching TV. There's a lot of good video being offered out there, if you know where to look. The problem is, when you are in a country like Korea, you miss a lot of the really good programs (unless you know how to download), and you're very much behind people who've had access to it all along.
I sort of learned how to download in my third year in Korea, and then I started having problems with my 'puter, so I left off until Flint taught me how to do it properly. After that, I returned my TV to the hagwon and started getting caught up.
I'm still way behind, even after a coupla years of plugging away.
While I was in Korea, I started to get into shows like Dexter, The Shield, Battlestar: Galactica, and Californication. I've only just started the first season of The Wire, Damages, and Life On Mars (UK version).
I've been staying with my folks since I got back from Korea, and they had a pretty good cable package with Shaw. Then they changed it to Telus, and added the PVR function.
Hello!
I am in love with the PVR, which frees the viewer of the networks' tyranny like never before. No longer do you have to sit through boring commercial breaks or (badly) edited-for-TV versions of my favourite movies. With a PVR, you really can watch what you want, when you want it. It's brilliant.
Then, after my mom's accident, we had to stay at a hotel to be near her, and I was shocked, shocked when I saw the kind of TV being offered by the hotel, as well as to patients in the hospital.
Basic cable. (dramatic chord)
50 channels max.
Ew.
I guess hotel guests and hospital patients, being fairly transient in nature, don't need a full-on package of every single channel as well as all the technical add-ons. They just need something to look at for a night or two.
But if you're in for a long haul, the inadequacies of basic cable become more and more apparent as time goes by. Especially if you're looking for quality television, and not the drek offered up by networks and local stations.
Networks are in it for the money, and the commercial break is all important. They gotta get that ad revenue. A good show is just something to attract viewers that can be trapped into watching ads, not an end in itself.
Networks have something they call "standards and practices," which they say they use to censor offensive content like vulgar language (shit, fuck, cunt, piss, cocksucker, mothefucker, tits), excessive violence and gore, as well as sexy things like naked bodies and people making love.
Well, if you're an adult, being told by some faceless corporation that you can't watch something is like being told you can't vote or drink or stay up past eight o'clock. It's just not on.
So I go to a channel like HBO and watch a program like Deadwood, which has more nudity, violence, and people saying "fuck" per square inch than a whorehouse, but is also one of the finest programs ever filmed.
Local stations are even worse. They're always interrupting shows with "news breaks," which don't have any news, just promos for the local news teams. I've mentioned before how my folks are fans of Global Calgary, which I loathe and despise with the white-hot passion of a thousand suns.
Fucking mooks.
Even if they do run a good program, you have a tough time seeing it through all the supers on the screen. The station logo is there (as well as the network logo sometimes), and the station adds on supers that describe what's coming on next and what'll be on Thursday at nine. Talk about distraction.
It shows a fundamental disrespect of the show, as well as the viewer. I decided a long time ago that I would not tolerate it. That's why downloading shows and using the PVR is so important to me.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Dumb Ads
The ad for the new Gillette razor features a bunch of mooks bursting into men's rooms and giving the razor to half-naked men to try. One of the selling points is that it doesn't give you a lot of "tug and pull."
I say I like the tug and pull.
But then, I'm not talking about shaving.
The ad for the Hyundai Essence has got to be the fruitiest wish-fulfillment fantasy I've ever seen.
First of all, where do they get the names for these cars? Essence is kind of okay, but when I was in Korea I saw names like "Nubira" or "Terracan" or "Musso." Do they just throw a bunch of Scrabble tiles on the floor until they get something that looks like a word?
The ad for the Essence features a quartet of mooks who find a magic wand and conjure up the car. They change the colour, drive down the road, and the mook with the wand zaps himself into another car full of pretty girls.
If you're any kind of man at all, the Essence is not the kind of car you conjure up. Think of Steve McQueen in "Bullitt" or Gene Hackman in "The French Connection." Now those are the kinds of car, and that's how you drive it! At top speed through the city, dodging other cars and pedestrians, chasing down some killers to a shootout or a fiery demise!
Not meandering down the avenue, head bopping to some adman's idea of a jaunty tune.
That's for fags.
Brmmm-mmmm-mmmm-mmmm.
I say I like the tug and pull.
But then, I'm not talking about shaving.
The ad for the Hyundai Essence has got to be the fruitiest wish-fulfillment fantasy I've ever seen.
First of all, where do they get the names for these cars? Essence is kind of okay, but when I was in Korea I saw names like "Nubira" or "Terracan" or "Musso." Do they just throw a bunch of Scrabble tiles on the floor until they get something that looks like a word?
The ad for the Essence features a quartet of mooks who find a magic wand and conjure up the car. They change the colour, drive down the road, and the mook with the wand zaps himself into another car full of pretty girls.
If you're any kind of man at all, the Essence is not the kind of car you conjure up. Think of Steve McQueen in "Bullitt" or Gene Hackman in "The French Connection." Now those are the kinds of car, and that's how you drive it! At top speed through the city, dodging other cars and pedestrians, chasing down some killers to a shootout or a fiery demise!
Not meandering down the avenue, head bopping to some adman's idea of a jaunty tune.
That's for fags.
Brmmm-mmmm-mmmm-mmmm.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Viagra vs. Cialis: The Ads
I saw Cialis ads quite a lot while I was watching Flames hockey last winter, as they were one of the sponsors. Their ads feature a middle-aged couple arriving late for some kind of social engagement because they were fucking.
The Viagra ads that I saw at the same time were a bit different. They featured middle-aged men only. No women. The men in the ads were doing manly stuff, like hiking, building a house with their bare hands, and driving slowly along a scenic highway.
The latest ad features a middle-aged man driving a truck and pulling a horse trailer. He gets stuck in the mud, and uses the horses to pull himself free so he can be home in time for dinner. Or sex. It's not clear as again, there's not a woman in sight.
Both of the Viagra ads are coloured blue. Everything you see in the ads is blue. I read when Viagra first came out that a side effect was to make you see everything through a blue filter. Are the makers of the ad trying to suggest that is a good thing?
Because I'd rather see things clearly and be fucking a woman than seeing everything as blue, doing manly things, and not fucking at all.
The Viagra ads that I saw at the same time were a bit different. They featured middle-aged men only. No women. The men in the ads were doing manly stuff, like hiking, building a house with their bare hands, and driving slowly along a scenic highway.
The latest ad features a middle-aged man driving a truck and pulling a horse trailer. He gets stuck in the mud, and uses the horses to pull himself free so he can be home in time for dinner. Or sex. It's not clear as again, there's not a woman in sight.
Both of the Viagra ads are coloured blue. Everything you see in the ads is blue. I read when Viagra first came out that a side effect was to make you see everything through a blue filter. Are the makers of the ad trying to suggest that is a good thing?
Because I'd rather see things clearly and be fucking a woman than seeing everything as blue, doing manly things, and not fucking at all.
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