People Are In A Hurry!

I don't often see the people in my building, except in the elevator. People riding the elevator are on the way to somewhere, whether they are coming in or going out, with little time to chat. Except for two ladies who always have a nice little natter with one in the hall and one in the machine, holding the door open until they finish.  
I did meet the guy across the hall after I blew the fuses in my con-apt, though.
My washing machine is in the bathroom. Everyone who's lived in Korea or China will know what I'm talking about when I say that when I'm doing laundry, I have to stretch the cord across the room and up near the ceiling to plug it in. Well, one day I was stepping over the cord, lost my balance and came down hard on top of it. The cord pulled right out of the plug, but the wires touched long enough to overload the circuit breaker.
It was a struggle to get things back in order, I can tell you.
At first, I couldn't find the fuse box. There just wasn't one in view, and I didn't know if it was in another part of the building or what. I called my supervisor to ask for some help, but just trying to explain "circuit breaker" over the phone to her was enough to lay me waste for the rest of the day.
But I plucked up my courage, and knocked on a neighbour's door. He couldn't have been nicer, and he even spoke a little English. He found the fuse box hiding behind the wardrobe, reset the breaker, and then reset another breaker in a power closet next to the elevator, That restored the power. He even rewired the plug for me.
But, I digress.
I was going to talk about how much in a hurry the people in my building are, as demonstrated by their behaviour in the elevator.
When ever they get on, they always push the "door close" button as soon as possible. I have yet to see someone  not push it. I've even seen someone push that button first, and then the button for their floor. Impatient much?
I have never worried about the door close button before. It would have to be an uncomfortably long time in the elevator with the doors open before I would think about pushing it. So when ever I get on, I only push the button for my floor. If I'm alone, the doors close after a second or two and I'm on my way, but if somebody else is on the elevator with me, they will push the close button for me. I've even seen someone pushing the door close button as the doors are closing!  
That would be enough for me to award the prize, but the person who takes the cake was a woman who rode down in the elevator with me last week. As we arrived on the first floor, and I swear I am not making this up, she started pushing the "door open" button.
GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE A WINNER!!!

Why I Teach ESL

There is a funny website, engrish.com, that features the misuse of the English language by those who are not native speakers. Since I have been in China, I have seen many more examples to add to their site.
The area I live in is the site of a lot of new building, and there are billboards around the construction that advertise how great they are going to be when they're finished. Some of the English that they use is unintentionally funny.
But why use English at all? It isn't that prevalent here. I have met only a few who speak it, so it's a mystery why a developer would want to use it to advertise their product. Do they think that the people who see it (but can't read it) will be impressed?
But I digress.
One sign reads: "The Great House is on the Eastern City Hall and the Northern River." This is on a complex near the building that is North Harbin's City Hall, and it is close to the river.
Another building site's sign says "Deposit Gold Silver Than Save Shop."
?
Another sign on the same site reads:
"Great Appreciation of Space
Wealth is in our hands."
That's how it looks on the billboard, so I'm not sure if it's supposed to be one sentence or not. It makes a little more sense as two sentences, but as one... what is "Space Wealth?"
Yet another development sign advertises itself as "Water's Fragrant Dike."
Okay.
Here is a picture of a local business' sign:

Now I realize they are probably in the real estate business, but what if they are selling real property? Can you buy fake property, too?A restaurant across the street is the "Lotus Fishing Restaurant." I went there to eat with some of the department heads (both from Canada and here in Harbin), but we weren't asked to catch our own dinner.
Another restaurant is named "Splendid Restaurant" on the front, but "People Restaurant" around the corner. Which is it? And do you feed people, or serve them up? Whatever, I am going to be careful about walking near it.
Other businesses I have seen are: "Love's Witness," "Her Dress Box," "Happy Hour Time Hotel" (probably similar to the "love motels" I encountered in Korea), "Bird Nest Business Lnn" (my italics), and an ice cream parlour that tells us to "enjoy delicious enjoy life."
When I was taken to a hospital for a physical, I left my urine sample on a tray that had a sign:: "Leave urine after duct inserted on top of the shey." Boy, I hope I did it right.
I found a de-motivational poster featuring this backpack:

Heh.
Even my students are exposed unwittingly to poor English, in the form of the notebooks they use. One has this printed on the cover:

 

LONELY HEART

I stood in the memory of

the entrance

A collection of my left chest

Go Ballistic loneliness

Naked loses

Stick out a mile.

So I can not say tears

Because of hair

I walked along the fate of

 the arrow

But moving to the next

 

You could make the case that it's poetry, because it works for me on that level.

But the best, the one that I absolutely love, is this paragraph written on the back of car parked in front of the apartment building next to mine. It reads:

JUNCTION PRODUCE

High Lovely Salloon Gallery

We, coordinate brand for "JUNCTION PRODUCE" of VIPCAR, are proud of be fed back aggresively to make full use of sensibility the tradition for as much of austerity. eeriness. rambunctiosness and austere elegance in which only prestige carhas. By so doing. we, junction Pproduce Would like to aim the way to the pinnacle of VP dress up and we want to be only the first and last memory keeper of by succeeding this point from everlasting to everlasting. 

It's complete gibberish. It's fantastic gibberish, and I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. I mean, you can't make this stuff up!
What is the company selling? Cars (VIPCAR)? Produce, as in vegetables? Or clothes (dress up)? Who cares?

As long as there are signs like this, my job is safe.